Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize