Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize