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my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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