You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize