I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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