she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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