I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm really busy with my period
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