I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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