So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize