his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize