I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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