Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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