I cannot find my penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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