Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
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yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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