OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize