My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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