thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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