Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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