the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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