remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize