Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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