I met the friendliest cop last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize