You work out of a Hotel?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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