2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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