My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize