I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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