You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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