my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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