She's JV to your varsity
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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