I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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