Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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