They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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