I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
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Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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