the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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