kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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