he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize