my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize