youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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