My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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