Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize