It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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