just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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