my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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