Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This gyro tastes like lonliness
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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