i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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