nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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