She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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