hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
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I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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