And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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