The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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